You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
