she was so not down for the gang bang
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
