What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
