Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
