Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
