I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
