Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
