you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
