He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
