: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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