so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
