I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
