After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
