How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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