i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
