shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
