11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
