I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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