So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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