I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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