Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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