Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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