So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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