yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
