Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
