You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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