dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
