I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
