New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
