True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
