I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
