It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I AM VODKA MAN
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
