Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
