So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
