I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
