Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
