Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
