youre lurking in front of me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
