I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
