hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
