Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
