she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
