Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
