I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You were trust falling into bushes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
