I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
