can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
