My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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