had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
