Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
