Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
