Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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