Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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