I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
