We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
