I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
