I can text with my tongue
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
